The Twilight Zone (2019) Season 2: 8

I know this might seem like a petty point to start with but, why was this not the eighth episode. Seriously you were only two episodes off from that, all you had to do was swap two episodes around. Is this a petty complaint? Oh yes, but it's far from the only one, because “8” is one of the dumbest episodes of The Twilight Zone I have ever seen. And considering how goofy the original series could get that's saying a lot.

“8” follows a group of scientists studying the thinning ice sheets in the arctic. Apparently the surge of fresh water in the ocean is causing new predators to come to the surface and they're trying to find them to assess if they are a threat. When two of the scientists are mysteriously killed the group finds a newly discovered species of octopus might be responsible. Some of them want to kill it but others want to study it for their own purposes and all the while the octopus has plans of it's own. And that's the entire story. No, really, that's it. When you break it down the episode isn't too far off from a a basic monster movie. I'm not against that idea, the original series had a few horror themed episodes and it's nice to see the 2019 version trying something new. It's just a shame that they completely dropped the ball.

For starters, none of the characters are even remotely likable or interesting. I know that the characters in a monster movie are usually little more than fodder to be killed off but at least they have that one character you can root for. “8” takes clear inspiration from movies like The Thing and Alien but those movies had a cast of compelling characters so the audience had something to care about. Because this episode has no likable or memorable characters, I can't even remember their names, it's hard to care about anything that is going on and as a result the episode lacks any and all tension. You know, the one thing you need in a horror story. And because there's no tension the episode isn't scary, at all. Oh there's some gruesome kills, including one where the octopus rips a dudes eye out using it's suction cups, but there's no sense of terror or dread.

This makes “8” a very boring sit. If your a fan of horror you'll get very little out of this. I'm going to confess something to you guys, I'm a total wussbag. I scare very easily. What does it tell you that someone like me wasn't made to feel anything about this at all? Now being boring would be bad enough but “8” is also one of the most cliched and stupid monster stories you could imagine. At one point it's discovered that two of the scientists are working for a pharmaceutical company who want to extract toxins from the octopus to create new medicines. How did they know about the octopus before hand and whether or not it's toxins can be reverse engineered? No clue. This episode doe a poor job of explaining anything.

For as big a role the octopus plays in the plot we don't know what it's actually capable of. We know it's an intelligent octopus, to an absurd degree but we'll get to that, and it's implied it might have some kind of psychic abilities. I think anyway it's not explained very well. Honestly it doesn't seam all that different from a regular octopus. For a monster movie the monster is really lame. But let's get back to the plot because it gets dumber. One of the scientists is a transfer from the Chinese government, there's this weird thing where the other scientists have to use a phone app to understand what she's saying. I guess sending someone that was multilingual was out of the question. But the Chinese woman is after the octopus so they can, and I hope your sitting down for this, so they can use it's DNA to create half human, half octopus hybrids. No, I am not making this up. This is SyFy original movie levels of dumb.

Why do you need this specific breed of octopus? Yes it's DNA is slightly different but what is it about that DNA that makes it perfect for genetic engineering? Why not just use a regular octopus? Apparently they're doing this so they can rule both the land and sea so that requires making everyone an Octoling. Believe it or not it somehow gets stupider. You know the octopus? At one point he hacks into one of the scientists phones and steals their data. Now how the octopus is able to hack into technology it's never come across is anyone's guess. I guess it's just so super intelligent that it can just do that. We'll ignore how that makes no sense because there's an even bigger stupid to discuss. You want to know what the octopus' plan was? It wanted to take our DNA so it could genetically alter itself and then transfer that alteration to other sea creature to allow them to walk on land so it could lead them in a bid to conquer the world. What in the front flipping hell did I just watch? This is the dolphin segment in one of The Simpsons halloween specials, but there it was played for laughs.

The whole scene is played up completely straight, as if this is the beginning of the apocalypse with the final narration saying we were just prepping the earth for it's true rulers. Truly we are doomed to fall to this new spawn of terror. What do we have that can stand against such might. You know aside from the guns, bombs, swords, harpoons, nets, knives, planes, tanks, baseball bats, spiked baseball bats, bows and arrows, spears, hammers, submarines, missiles, mines, flamethrowers and nuclear weapons, what can we do to stop this unstoppable horde. Well, we had a good run. I'm sorry but the more I think about it the stupider it gets. It's framed as this huge impending invasion but I can't take it seriously because it's so laughable. Apparently this octopus is so smart and powerful that none of the copious amounts of killing materials we have can stop it.

Let's be real here, “8” is a B movie and a pretty cliché one at that. The episode is so clichéd I wondered if it was possible that it was a parody of a B movie but that doesn't hold up because the episode takes itself so deathly serious. It acts like it's some cautionary tale about mans hubris and how exploiting nature will bite us in the ass but it's not, it's stupid. Just because you pay lip service to climate change in the beginning doesn't mean your saying anything about it. This ladies and gentlemen is what it means to be pretentious. “8” is a B movie but's it's too stuck up to be anything but a B movie. It doesn't help that the dialogue is clunky and lacking in any real character. By the end the characters speak in nothing but exposition. Near the end the lead scientist working for the pharmacuetical, completely changes his view when he fnds out what the Chinese are up to. He makes this speech of how humans exploit nature but it's so forced and preachy that it comes off as comical.

If I could say one thing positive about this episode it's that the special effects are actually alright. The octopus does look pretty good and the set design is great giving the episode a claustrophobic feel. While I think the episode is lacking when it comes to atmosphere I will give it that it does make an attempt to create one. This is one of the few times the drab art direction would actually work but because every other episode has looked just as dark and dreary it loses some of it's effectiveness. This is why having a variety of art directions is important for an anthology show folks.

“8” is not a good episode. At it's best it's a basic monster movie with some interesting kills, at it's worst it's a pretentious screed against human nature trying to be anything other than what it is, which is a stupid monster movie. The thing is even by monster movie standards it's weak, completely devoid of any likability or charm. This episode is a resounding failure at everythin it tries to be. It fails to be a horror story because it isn't scary. It fails to be a monster movie because it isn't fun. And it fails to be a profound statement on man's relationship with nature because of how pretentious it is. I don't know if I can call this as bad as “Ovation” but it comes dangerously close. Let me put it this way, “8” is The Twilight Zone if it was done by the SyFy channel. If that doesn't tell you how bad this is, I don't know what will. Until next time, remember to stay safe and have fun.